My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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