my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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