You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
