Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i love accidental penises.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
