tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
