Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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