The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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