dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
