Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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