ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
