Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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