Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
