Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
