You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
