just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
