That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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