Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sober January is a disaster.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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