They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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