AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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