we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
