break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
