Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
