I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
