i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
