if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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