oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
