it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
