just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
