It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently you make a good broom.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
