today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
