You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
