Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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