I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
