So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize