Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
