please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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