I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
