in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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