party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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