Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Blood and glitter go together right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
