I've blown a few things in my day
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
