ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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