Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
