I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
