i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Randomize
