The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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