The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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