he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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