I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
