we made out on top of his cat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
