did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
