Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
