So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
