my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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