Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
