Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
