He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
