I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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